Speaking Your Child’s Love Language

Just like any human being, children also have different personalities and preferences. They have their own way of expressing love and perceiving love. If we come to think of it, children also have their love languages. For instance, in a set of siblings, one child would prefer physical touch while the other would prefer words of affirmation. Some parents would share that learning the love language of their kids made them have a profound impact on their relationship and helped them build a strong connection to them.

From Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell’s book “The Five Love Languages of Children”, let’s discover some simple ways to speak your child’s love language.

 

Physical Touch

 

For children whose primary love language is physical touch, they may feel most loved when they are given hugs, kisses, pats on the back and other physical expressions of love. These acts would communicate love to them deeper than helping them fix a toy, praising them or buying them some gifts. Here are some other ways we could express love through physical touch:

  • sitting beside a child
  • give high fives
  • cuddle and read together
  • do their hair
  • make up a hand shake
  • family group hugs
  • give sensory gifts such as blankets and stuffed animals

 

Quality Time

 

When you spend quality time with your child, you are basically communicating to him that he is important, valued and you like simply being with him. In return, the child feels loved with the parent or carer’s action. A child requesting one-on-one time with a parent is expressing their need of love and affection. So, when your child requests for a time with you to play, explore outdoors or even just chatting – their love tanks are seeking to be filled. Other ways to demonstrate love via quality time include:

 

  • giving full and undivided attention
  • run errands together (e.g., grocery shopping)
  • going on walks
  • do projects together
  • stop what you’re doing and make eye contact
  • put away screens

 

 

Words of Affirmation

Ever wonder why some children’s face lit up when praised or reassured? It’s because those words spoken to them communicates love in between the lines. As simple as it seems but it gives a sense of worth and security to a child. These words may be quickly said but it lingers to a child’s mind and these reaffirming words can impact them for a lifetime. As much as possible, be careful to avoid using harsh critical words as it greatly affects a child whose primary love language is words of affirmation. Try to communicate love to them by:

 

  • using encouraging words and phrases often
  • praising them in front of others
  • call them a loving nickname
  • recognise their efforts
  • telling them “I love you” several times a day
  • notice and acknowledge what they are interested in

 

Gifts

A great expression of love for some would be to give and receive gifts. Notice that when a child loves to give you small tokens (e.g., flowers picked from the garden or handmade items), they tend to feel loved through gifts. A child whose primary language is receiving gifts will find joy in even the simplest of presents. It is advised to distinguish between a child who sees gifts as a genuine expression of love and appreciation, and a child who uses begging and whining to obtain material things. Examples of tangible things to express love are the following:

 

  • give small, inexpensive rewards for a job well done
  • treasure hunts
  • leave a gift for them before bedtime or when they wake up
  • creating a photo album about them and special moments
  • making them a meal
  • choosing gifts that sparks their interests

 

Acts of Service

If you happen to remember when a child would request you to do something for them, like fixing a favourite toy or opening something for them, how did you respond to it? Be reminded that it’s not about just getting their requests done to avoid nuisance. Sometimes it communicates a need for love and attention. A child whose primary love language is acts of service need not have their every request met right away. Nevertheless, carefully considering how you respond will either make them feel loved or the other way around. Check out some acts of service we can learn from:

 

  • Carrying and tucking younger children in bed instead of just telling them to go to bed
  • Ask how you can be of help to them
  • Cook a special meal or treat
  • Bring a drink of water
  • Organise their closet
  • Do a chore they would normally do
  • Sitting down to do homework together
  • Checking out some books they would like
  • Brushing their hair

The early years of children are crucial, either we make or break them. Understanding how to speak a child’s love language nurtures them. It contributes to their emotional well-being, self-esteem, and overall happiness.

Take a moment to slow down and think about how you are filling your child’s love tank today.